Talking to a new provider about who you are

Many LGBTQ+ people hold back with their providers, and it's easy to see why. In a 2024 KFF survey, only half of LGBT adults said they felt very comfortable asking their providers questions, compared with two thirds of other adults. But the more your provider knows about your life, the better they can help.

You decide what to share

You don't owe anyone your whole story. Share what's relevant to the care you came for. It can help to think about what affects your care rather than labels: the name and pronouns you want used, who your partners are, and any medicines you take.

Before the visit

• Write down your questions and what you want to get out of the visit.
• Bring someone if it would help you feel more comfortable.
• Check the intake forms. If there's no place for your name or pronouns, write them in.

Things you can say

Having words ready can take the pressure off. Change these to fit you.

• "I go by Sam, and I use they/them pronouns."
• "I'm gay, and I want to make sure my care reflects that."
• "My wife will be helping me with decisions, so I'd like her included."
• "How will this be recorded in my chart, and who can see it?"

Pick your moment

The Human Rights Campaign suggests bringing things up at a comfortable moment, such as a short chat at the start of the visit while you're still dressed. Others prefer to write it on the intake form so they don't have to say it out loud. Either works.

You're not asking for special treatment. You're giving your provider what they need to do their job well.

If it doesn't go well

You can end a visit if you feel disrespected, or ask for a different provider at the same practice. Our guide on what to do after a bad experience covers your next steps, and how to tell if a provider is affirming can help you find someone new.